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Dating Tips
Finding the Perfect Partner

What Kind of Relationship Do You Want?

Some of us would like to have partner who is attractive, a great dancer, low-maintenance, independent and non-demanding. Others would like someone who is rich, handsome, understanding. Other don't care so much about finding a rich partner, but just want someone they can connect with on a heart-to-heart basis.

When we are single, having this dream partner sometimes may seem unlikely or even an impossibility. If we believe it is impossible, then for us it probably is impossible. If we hold on to the vision of what we want, we are giving ourselves a chance.

Some New Age success gurus in the Bay Area and Sacramento would have us believe that all we have to do is chant over and over affirmation like, "I'm so grateful now that I have my perfect partner," and magically that partner will eventually appear.

They teach that we some how already have this partner, but that we haven't really "manifested" this partner yet.

They they affirm, "This is absolutely true. It may some like New Age hocus-pocus' but it's not, it absolutely works 100% of the time."

Really does it? I'm not sure. Repeating affirmations over without feeling or passion doesn't work. Doing this is what Martin Luther (in the 16th century) used to call "vain repetitions"

Vain repetitions of an affirmation don't work. But what does work is heartfelt affirmations. The affirmations in themselves may not cause the Universe to give you what you want, but the affirmations can help to inspire you up so that you take actions. It is the actions, not the affirmations that produce results.

Does anyone really believe that the affirmations themselves cause the Universe to change? Apparently some do. They think that thoughts are "cosmic vibrations" that penetrate and change the universe. This may be true.

The Law of Attraction

The New Age gurus say, "The most important law of the universe is the Law of Attraction. This law
states (in part) that everything is energy. Even though we look like solid, physical things, we are energy. And our thoughts are energy: we are emitting that energy into the universe and we attract what we think and feel."

Saying that this is a "Law of the Universe" may be overstating the matter just a little bit.

Sure it make senses that if are cheerful and stay in a positive energy state, people will respond to us in a positive way. If we are grumpy and crabby, we are not likely to get a friendly warm hug from those around us. But that's just common sense. Is it a Law of the Universe? Maybe, but it seems like quite overstatement.

Is it all hopeless then? No, there are some simple things we can do that help

Here are some steps we can all take to make it more likely that we will find our "Perfect Partner." Unlike the New Age Gurus, I'm not saying there are any guarantees or that some Universal Law of the Universe is operating here.

1. Write down a detailed description of your desired partner with paper and pen. Sure, computers are handy devices for taking notes and reminding ourselves of important goals. But there is something special about writing a goal down on paper. It seems to change the way our brain works. Writing down a goal forces you to get clear about what the goal is. As Bob Mager used to say, "If you don't know where you are going, you are not likely to get there."

2. Ask yourself whether you deserve this person. Actually maybe you don't! If you feel you don't some would have you just affirm over and over again that you do. But isn't that kind of shallow? It might be better if you feel you don't deserve your perfect partner, to work on yourself: your body, mind, and Spirit. It is true that like attracts like. If you want a happy, cheerful, funny partner, then work on being that kind of person yourself. "How many I be cheerful, when I'm feeling down?" some might ask. Listen to some inspiring music or inspirational tapes. Change your environment. Get out of the house. Take a chance. Go out.

3. Meditate and focus on an image of yourself being happily together with your perfect partner. During or after meditation, ideas may come to you about what you need to do to find that perfect partner. The problem with meditating is that we often can't find time quiet alone time to do it. You might consider getting up 10 minutes earlier, or meditating during a break at work or during lunch.

4. Make a list of things you can to find your perfect partner. Break each major action into sub-actions. For example, if you decide to attend a singles party, plan to do some smaller enabling steps, like:

- Do some research to find out what is available.
- Call the singles club to find out more.
- Write a note on your calendar.
- Invite a friend to come with you.

Don't give up. A person who is the perfect partner is likely just around the corner. So do some work now to prepare yourself. Make yourself the best you can be so that when that person shows up, you will be ready.

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