Dating Tips:
Getting Over
a Breakup
The feelings that come after a breakup can be very painful. If you recently experienced a breakup, you know what I mean! But rest assured, in time fhe pain will go away and you will feel normal again. Some say that the length of time it takes to get over the breakup of a relationship, depends on the length of time that you were in a relationship. They say divide the length of time you were in the relationship by 2.
For example, if you're in a relationship for a year, allow yourself about 6 months to get over it.
Of course this will vary from individual to individual. It reallly depends on many factors, such as the intensity of the relationship, and whether the breakup was mutual, and such things as your mind set.
Stages. We may go through various stages after ar breakup. Some people have identified these stages:
Pain -- we may feel chest pain and/or a stabbing pain in our stomach.
Anger -- we get really angy at our Ex.
Bargaining -- we try to get him or her back.
Depression -- we give up bargaining and get depressed.
Acceptance -- we accept what happened, relax, and move on.
Some people feel the pain and hurt for days on end, can't ear or sleep and can't stop crying. If this happens what can you do?
Friends. It's great if you have friends who can Help you take your mind off the situation. lree your friends a call and tell them your problems; maybe offer to take them out for dinner! If you don't have many friends, now might be a good time to start making some. Look for people who have common interests.
Talking with friends will make you feel better. But don't expect them to be a therapist.
Therapist. If the pain is really bad and impacting your work, you may want to consider seeing a therapist. Although a therapist can be very expensive, it can be well worth it. If you don't have the money for a therapist, you can usually get help from special programs. Many larger companies now have free mental health counseling programs. The programs are designed such that managers and coworkers in your department will have no knowledge that you are involved in the program.
Larger cities also have free (or sliding scale) mental health programs
For example, CommunityHealth.org is a volunteer-based, non-profit organization dedicated to providing quality free health care to uninsured people living in Chicago and the surrounding communities. To find an organization in your area, you might try searching for "free mental health support group
". (Of course, you would replace
with the actual name of your city). United Way may be a good resource. You can find out what they have, if anything, in your city at http://www.211.org.
Churches. Some churches even have special programs that support singles. A good example is the Lafayette Orinda Presbyterean Church You can learn more about their program at http://www.lopc.org/singlesalt.asp
What else can you do, short of mental health counseling?
Get out of the house. Look for something new to do to occupy your mind. Many people look for another relationship to stop the pain. That make work for you, but be careful here. It may be a good idea to take a break from serious dating for a while and do some self-reflection. Learn from your past relationship and avoid making the same mistake again.
Dating Coach. A dating coach can be help you avoid repeating the same mistakes and feel better about yourself. A dating coach is a person trained to help others in dating. Many dating coaches work by phone so you can talk to them in the convenience of your own home. One such coach is Jeannine Kaiser who has a website called YourDatingIQ. You can learn more about Jeannine's dating coach and match making services, visit http:www.YourDatingIQ.com or call Jeannine 925-964-1477.
Ballroom Dancing. Ballroom dancing is a social activity that give you a chance to meet new people without necessarily getting involved romantically. And at most ballrooms these days, you do not need a partner and during the class you dance with many different people. An advantage of ballroom dancing over the usual free style dancing is that there is mental effort involved. Learning something new can be challenging and fun; it will help to take your mind off the breakup.
You can have a lot of fun with a dance partner and keep your relationship confined to the dance floor. On the other hand, it may lead to something more in time. Don't push it; just let things evolve gradually. The nice thing about a dance partner that you see at a ballroom is that you will likely see him or her again, where as a person that you meet at a bar or nightclub you may never see again.
Online dance schools are available, to help you jump start your dance lessons. These lessons can help you feel more comfortable when you take actually take group or private dance lessons. A Latin dance school is available at http://www.lovemusiclovedance.com. It features salsa and other Latin dances. Dance Lesson DVDs are also available.
Singles Parties. Singles parties are also a good place to go to get out of the house. These parties can be really fun and entertaining. Professionals Guild often described as the ultimate singles party, offers lage monthly parties for single professionals in Northern California, especially those living in the Bay Area or in or near Sacramento.
For more information about Bay Area/Sacramento Singles Dance Parties see http://www.pguild.com. Huge, elegant new years eve parties are usually for couples and often if you don't have a partner you can feel really left out at a conventional New Years Eve party when it comes time to bring in the new year.
But at a singles New Years Eve party, people are more supportive and open to hugging each other when it comes time for the big balloon drop. Professionals Guild offers two elegant and yet very huge New Years Eve parties for singles in Sacramento and the Bay Area.
When attending a singles party, remember to go with the intention of having a good time. Keep an open mind, but don't go expecting to find an immediate replacement for your Ex. Know that with good intentions and right actions, you will eventfully find your soulmate, and the bad feelings that you may have from your past relationship will pass. But don't expect this to happen overnight.
Thanks for your interest in my article "How to Get Over a Breakup" I hope it has been helpful. If you have questions on comments, please write to me using the "contact us" link at http://www.pguild.com
Warmest regards,
Phil Seyer
Director, Professionals Guild, the Ultimate Singles Party
http://www.pguild.com
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Dating Tips: Getting Over a Breakup