What is a Singles Party?

To make a good impression at a singles party, it helps to feel at ease and know what a singles party is all about before you go. You may be wondering... What is a singles party? What goes on there? What is it like? Is this for me? Am I above all this?

Many people, after years of college life and bar hopping, find themselves single and don't know where or how to connect with other singles. Singles parties help to solve that problem. The idea is that singles can mingle, network, dance in a safe and often beautiful environment. Singles organizations each have their own "personality," so to speak and cater to different age groups and personal styles. Some are held in private homes, community centers and some at major hotels ballrooms or country clubs.

To get the most from a singles party, it helps to keep these 7 "secrets" in mind:

1. Do Some Research Before You Attend.
2. Ask Interesting Questions
3. Mingle and Position Yourself
4. Ask Someone to Dance.
5. Dress to Impress
6. Don't Make Scoring Your Goal.
7. When You Connect, Make Sure You Can Reconnect

Let's consider each of these tips, one by one.

1, Do Some Research Before You Attend

Before attending such a party, it might make sense to call the organizer and ask some questions, like: Tell me about your parties. What are they like? What is the dress code? The age range of people attending? What is the cover? Is food served or alcohol served? and so on. Another good way to prepare for the party is to find someone who has already attended a particular singles club party and ask them for a description of what it is like.

By doing some research before you attend, you'll be more relaxed and able to enjoy it. You can also have fun checking your mental picture of the party against reality. In addition to doing research there are several other things you can do to enjoy and make the most of a singles party.

2. Ask Interesting Questions

When you first meet someone after the usual small talk, it can help a lot to ask some interesting, inspiring or thought provoking questions. Many people ask a question like "Do you come here often?" This question is weak for two reasons. 1. It's overdone. Everyone asks that. 2. It calls for a simple yes or no answer and doesn't invite conversation. Try something different, like: "What do you do when you are not coming to events like this?" A question like this is open ended and likely to spark a conversation. Here are some other ideas for questions.

"If you could be any movie star for one week, who would it be and why?"

"What are you looking forward to this year?" -- "Are your plans for making that happen?"

"What do you think is most important in a relationship?"

True, these are questions you wouldn't normally ask a stranger within the first 5 minutes. But a singles party is a special setting where such questions are natural and appropriate. Although you may start by using these questions, try changing them or coming up with ones of your own. Be as original as you can.

3. Mingle & Position Yourself

To mingle is to "come in contact with" or "move about, as in a group." When attending a singles party, be sure that you "mill about" and meet a wide variety of people. Don't just hang out with friends the whole night.It's fine to come with friends, but it is not a good idea to sit or stand with them for a long time.
Ladies, listen. It is often difficult for a guy to approach 2 or more ladies standing or sitting together, especially if they are heavily engaged in conversation. To ensure that you are able to mingle, it is a good idea (if you come with friends) to agree to meet back at a certain time and then explore the party on your own.

Sometimes when mingling, you may get involved in a conservation with someone, but you want to network and meet more people. If you are shy it may be tough to break away from this person. A simple way to do this is to say, "It's been nice talking to you. Excuse me, I would like to mingle some more.. Have a good evening!" If it feels right, you may want to add "let's talk again later," or "please save a dance for me." You could use an excuse like, "Excuse me I need to go to the bathroom." or "I think I'll get a drink." But you may want to consider being more assertive, direct and yet polite.

What if you really have to go to the bathroom? Then you might say, "Excuse me but I really need to go to the bathroom, but I wold really like to talk to you some more. Can I meet you back here in 5 minutes?

Positioning Yourself. When mingling, stand or sit by someone of the opposite sex. This may seem obvious, but too many times, ladies will sit together or guys will stand alone, holding up the wall, so to speak. If you are attracted to a particular person, you may not need to actually initiate a conversation. Just stand or sit next to them, smile and and move your body to the music. You may be surprised at what will develop.

4. Ask Someone to Dance

If you've gone mainly to bars in the past, you may be somewhat shy in asking others to dance because of the embarrassment of being refused. But keep in mind that a singles party is a more friendly atmosphere. Most everyone is there because they want to mingle, dance and connect. And these days, it's perfectly fine for ladies to ask men to dance.

Before asking someone to dance, it is a very good idea to make a connection first via conversation. If you've gone to ballroom dances, you know that it is fine to ask someone to dance without first engaging them in conversation. At a singles party, though, if you don't know someone, it is often a good idea to talk first before asking them to get down and boogie. After coming to a few parties, though, you'll have friends that you can immediately dance with -- with just a nod. You may dance so much that you'll need to bring two outfits (really).

"But I don't dance." If that's you, then consider taking some dance lessons. Many men spend lots of money on cars, clothes, and various things to attract ladies. But what many ladies really want is a man who can dance well. You may want to start with private dance lessons or study instructional dance videos to build up your confidence. Also consider group dance lessons. Some singles parties offer a short, easy beginning dance lessons before open dancing starts. Try it.

5. Dress To Impress

Find out what the general dress code is for the event you are attending. This can vary a lot depending on the singles club you are attending. If the event is at a classy hotel, ladies will be in their fancy party dresses for the most part, but some also wear dressy slacks. Men: don't come in jeans and tennis shoes; that doesn't impress the ladies. Men, if you have a nice tie that you've gotten compliments on from ladies on it in the past, try wearing it an elegant singles party. If you are attending a casual house party, a tie may be over dressing. Keep in mind the weather and the nature of the event when attending. If it's a costume Halloween party, spend some time and come up with an interesting costume -- but don't be too scary or too extreme don't hide your identity completely!

"If it's a costume Halloween party, spend some time and come up with an interesting costume -- but don't be too scary or too extreme and don't hide your identify completely. "

This constume is too scary and it doesn't give us a glimpse of the real person hidden behind it.

6. Don't Make Scoring Your Goal.

This tip is very important and very deep. Don't have the goal of being immediately successful in hooking up with someone at a singles party. Don't focus on getting so many phone numbers or email addresses or making a deep connection with someone right away. Of course finding a soul mate is a wonderful goal: just don't expect or try to achieve it immediately.

Have a good time and build trust. Make your goal to have a good time and to build trust with those you meet. If a relationship is to develop, it will. Let it happen gradually. Be patient. Guys, don't come on too strong and talk right away about your good job, big house and nice car. Let the ladies discover those side benefits naturally. I've heard many ladies tell me they are turned off by guys who immediately say they are looking for a wife or girl friend and then brag about their money, job or fancy car.

Discover the truth. Another excellent goal is to discover the truth. That is, discover the truth about whether a particular person is right for you or a possible partner for you. Discovering that truth will take time. If you don't at least approach the guy or lady you are interested in, will you ever know the truth? Take courage and find out. Be friendly. Ask some good questions. Build trust and make a connection.

7. When You Connect, Make Sure You Can Reconnect

Although getting a lot of phone number of phone numbers is not a good goal, it is important to be able to reconnect with people when you meet them at singles parties. After all, you may or may not see them again at the next party. If you feel a strong connection, their is nothing wrong with asking for a phone number.

A nice way to do this is to simply ask, "May I give you a call sometime?" Another option is to exchange business or name cards. In some cases, you may want to just offer your card without exchanging cards. I don't recommend this however. After all, if the other person doesn't like you enough to make a fair exchange of information, there probably isn't much hope of anything developing between you. But you never know. Anything can happen. Just don't wait by the phone if the exchange is one way from the very beginning!

Do make the effort to get a phone number if you really like some one and they seem to have responded to you. If you don't you may hate yourself forever! I still remember the time I had a wonderful chat will a lady while riding on a commute train (BART) I can still see a vision of her in my mind. I see her smiling at me longingly as she waited at the door to get off at the Rockridge station. I continue to kick myself for not asking for her phone number or perhaps getting off at the Rockridge station with her. After all, was getting to Concord really so important?

If you do get a phone number, be sure to follow up with a call. If you really like this person, try something different: call the very next day -- not to make a future date, but just to say hello and to let your new friend know how much you enjoyed meeting him or her.

Try using these tips at the next singles party you attend. Let me know how they work for you. Have comments or questions about this article? Feel free to contact the author, Phil Seyer, the director of Professionals Guild Singles Parties, by email or phone: 800-870-7072, 916-786-5858, 925-937-4744

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